It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
