I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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