I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
