Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
