I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize