omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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