Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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