i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
