First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
