You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We don't watch enough power rangers
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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