Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
