Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
