I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
