I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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