Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
