I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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