I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
