I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
