There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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