She is in my trunk
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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