so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
