Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
