I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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