I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
