I heard we made out
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
