So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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