seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
