Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
