barbara walters just said penis...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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