The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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