Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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