I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
