I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
