My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
