Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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