i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
