I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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