Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
