I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
