I just made out with a guy for $7.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize