If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
