Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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