there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
