I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
