At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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