community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
