he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
