OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
