You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
