Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
