Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
