Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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