kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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