Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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