True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
