I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
