Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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