Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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