No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Couch. On fire.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
