i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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