Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
