Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
