My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
