is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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