Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
