No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
