It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
