he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
