i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
