I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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