Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
