Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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