We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize