Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk is not a location!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
