I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
